Skip to main content

Smile Always?

On my vacation this summer, I encountered the following slogan on a hand-painted sign in a bed & breakfast: “Dream big, plan well, work hard, smile always, and good things will happen.”

Sounds nice, you think?

I had a different reaction: No, life doesn’t happen that way!

Life happens. As much as we dream, plan, work, and smile (and pray), life happens the way life happens. And good things don’t always happen.

This type of kitschy slogan is an expression of an insidious theme in American culture going way back. The 19th century psychologist William James referred to it as “the religion of healthy-mindedness,” in which people endeavor by sheer force of will to experience only the good and not the bad in life. It’s the converse that is most problematic: When something bad happens, it is implied that you did not dream, plan, work, or smile (or pray) sufficiently.

Dream big? Sure. We Jews are the masters of grandiosity. Plan well? Good idea, up to a point. Work hard? A bit Puritanical, but useful. Smile always? A lovely sentiment (although I’m not sure I could bear to be around someone who smiles always).

…And good things will happen? Maybe, and maybe not.

In their wisdom, our ancient ancestors assembled a Torah which offers not only the Deuteronomic voice (Do-exactly-what-I-say-and-good-things-will-happen), but also the more recognizable voice of Job. In the book of Job, life is experienced as uncertain and unfair, and what we do is not necessarily correlated with “good” or “bad” outcomes. Life happens, in all it’s complex messiness and glory. And while Job’s erstwhile friends attempt to convince him that his troubles are because he didn’t “smile always,” Job (and we) know better.

Life happens. As much as we dream, plan, work, and smile (and pray), life happens the way life happens. Thankfully, yet another voice in Torah tells us that it’s all manageable – that in every moment we have a choice how to respond. And when bad things happen, it’s how wisely we choose to respond that really matters.