One of the early lessons in nonviolent communication (NVC) training is to notice how often what we think of as objective observations are actually filled with judgements, evaluations, and diagnoses. Even the simplest attempt at describing a situation, such as “you yelled at me,” turns out not to be an objective observation. What was it about your vocal expression that I experienced as yelling? Someone else in the room or watching the incident on video might not experience it as yelling (or might have an even more extreme evaluation, such as that you were “enraged” or “out of control”). Why does this matter? Here’s the thing: If I give you “feedback” laced with judgements, evaluations and diagnoses (masquerading as “fact”), how likely is it that you will be open to hearing my thoughts and feelings? How likely is it that either of us will get our needs met? The more I learn NVC, the more I see how powerful this habit is in our culture. Attempting to swim against the current feels difficult and awkward. And so very, very worth it.